it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and she was petting her beer can
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
