Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
