He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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