Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
