it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
