I love black thongs
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
