I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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