I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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