my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
