i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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