I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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