those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
