so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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