If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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