My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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