Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
