Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
only you would photoshop your dick
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
