You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
