hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize