Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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