so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
