Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
