I showed him my bush... on skype.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize