You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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