first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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