so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
