Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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