rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
