glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
