I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
