I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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