We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she woke up with a sticky ear
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
