The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
