dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Someone came in the potted fern
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
