he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize