I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
