Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
