Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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