I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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