You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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