Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
