I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
