then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
