in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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