During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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