You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
