I want to stick my p in your. b.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
