A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
