I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
