guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
