what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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