hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
