high people should be assigned attendants
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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