Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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