I bet he comes in French.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize