I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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