I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
