wakey wakey hands off snakey
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Randomize
