TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
two words...techno handjob
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
