Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
