the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize