Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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