i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm passing your future prison.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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