So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
