I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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